As we all go through the journey that is college. We learn things about ourselves, find ourselves, recreate ourselves or even lose ourselves. It’s pretty common. There are so many types of college kids out there. Maybe one of these fits you to a T, maybe you’re a blend of them.
1. The Sleeper
Is always sleeping in class. Often brings a neck-cushion and sleep mask, wears a hoodie, and is often caught with dried-up drool on their chin. Veteran sleepers know not the meaning of ‘modesty’, and often sleep in lecture halls with their arms folded akimbo with their legs spread eagle, all while demonstrating the dexterity of their vocal chords through their thunderous snore.
2. The Sleeper Paparazzi
At the very sight of a fellow classmate falling asleep, these students rush to said victim like flies to honey and take selfies of them smiling beside a sleeping student.
3. The Wallflower
Is mostly alone and doesn’t talk nor interact much in class. Typically ‘doesn’t exist’ until they approach you to join your team for a group assignment.
4. The Living Food Truck
Is always seen in class eating. From durians to a whole pizza, The Lunch Man endeavours to push the boundaries of allowed in-class-dining; as if looking for a particular food that the lecturer will refuse to allow them to eat in class. Always brings food that the whole class can smell. Would probably bring in a steamboat to class if he could find a power source.
5. The Hangover
Is almost always hungover in class after a night of partying. Always makes an entrance to your 8am classes- 40 minutes late. Often dons a hoodie, sunglasses to cover their bloodshot eyes, jeans with slippers, and slumps into their seat, spending the remaining 20-minutes of the lecture telling you how ‘lit’ last night’s party with his boys were, before skipping the next class and driving back home to catch up on their sleep before repeating the same process 5-times a week.
6. The Social Butterfly
Seems to know nearly everyone in college.
7. The Thirsty Social Butterfly
Knows every single girl in college.
8. The Investigator
Knows everything there is to know about every girl in college. Fancy a girl? Describe her features to him and he can tell you her name, Facebook, Instagram username, Twitter handle, who she’s dating, who she might be into, her blood type and so on.
9. The Elitist
Has already made a name for himself in the world outside of college. Is usually an industry leader and owns a company. Has a vast experience and can factually correct the lecturer with ease. Usually doesn’t care about college and is only there because they’re bored.
10. The Love Birds
Always sit together with their other halves, often seen wasting away their tuition fees by trying out snapchat filters mid-lecture and planning dates. Almost always together in the same team during group assignments, often jeopardises entire group-mechanism because they had a lover’s squabble.
11. The Smoker
Is always smoking. Mostly found in their natural habitat- the smoking area. Always has to smoke before doing something. E.g ‘ let me go for a cig real quick before we kickstart this meeting’. Often moves in packs of 3-4 other smokers.
12. The Vape Technician
Is always seen walking around campus holding a small clutch or bag containing vape-maintenance equipment. Always offers to help fellow vapers ‘re-coil’ their vapes, and always has 6-7 bottles of vape juices with him it all times; occasionally sells vape-related parts as a side hustle.
13. The Latecomer
Always waltzes into class 20-minutes before the lecture ends and doesn’t feel even a shred of guilt for wasting their tuition fee.
14. The PTPTN Monopoliser
Applies for a student loan behind their parents’ backs despite their parents paying for their tuition fees, and spends the money issued on shopping and other luxuries.
15. The Boot-Licker
Always sits at the front of the class, greets the lecturer without fail, is often the class representative, and repeats whatever the lecturer says just to seem smart and get on the lecturer’s good side.
16. The Sheltered Child
The ones whose parents didn’t want them exposed to any bad stuff. Never gotten drunk, got high, never had their first kiss, nor have had sex, and frankly don’t want to. Often ends up going overboard at parties after they get a taste of the ‘bad stuff’. Likely to thank you profusely after a party in a drunken state for the ‘best time of their lives’. Often wears glasses and gets home by 9 pm.
17. The Pickup
Watched too much western college videos back in high school and thinks that college is only for picking up girls. The good news; he’ll be gone the next semester when he gets disappointed. The bad news; some other idiot with the same idea will replace him.
18. The Guy You Hate For No Reason
There doesn’t seem to be any identifiable reason why you dislike this guy, but he seems to possess an aura, a quality about himself that you can’t stand. Despite your efforts to rationalise your dislike for the guy, and your brief attempt ad trying to even like him, you find yourself repulsed by some unseen force. This guy is mocked and teased by everyone, a pariah that you pity, but only from a distance.
19. The Zealot
Has an intellectual orgasm every time he/she catches the lecturer in a slight mistake. Takes the class way too seriously; as if not getting an A will mean certain death for them.
20. The Overly Nice Person
Patient, tolerant, open, sympathetic and friendly, this guy/girl seems to have the saintly qualities of Mother Teresa. Available to talk at any time, about anything, they are incapable of anger or frustration, to the point that their warmth and patience seem over-done. At times they can seem to be “too perfect”, but you can’t help admire the effort they make for others.
21. The OG
The true gangster of the class- a rare gem. The ultimate go-to-guy if you have any problems ironed out. Need to hide a body? Need to get rid of a pest? He’s the guy. Is so well versed with the ways of the underworld you begin to wonder why he’s even in college. Has an extensive record, normally keeps a machete or baseball bat in their car, keeps a metal baton in his bag, and can speak fluent Hokkien, normally from Klang.
So, which one are you?